Finding Gods Love in the Midst of Heartache


“Whatever storm you are in that is testing your confidence in Gods goodness, remember your greatest need has already been met in the presence of Christ.”

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? {Romans 8:32}

Happy New Year, friends! I can not believe we are entering into 2016. When we started off 2015 there was so much hope in our hearts. We had dreams and visions of ways God would work, just like everyone else. There was peace in our hearts and Gods will never seemed more clear.

Not long into the year we quickly learned that it would in fact be a year like never before, but further from what we ever imagined. This year brought doubt, pain, grief, loss, brokenness, anger, and hurt, but it also brought hope, joy, forgiveness, love and faith like we have never experienced.

I struggled this year wondering if God is good even when the things that are happening are not good. I struggled with the goodness of God because everything this year just seemed so mean. I began to question the love He has for us, and whether or not He was holding me in His hand like I always thought. But through these struggles I experienced a greater sense of Gods goodness, and that His love still endures even when circumstances numb us.

We began to question our value, our purpose. We had high hopes of our adoption moving forward in big ways, only to be set back further and further as time moved on. We had the sweetest surprise of a little baby, only for them to be quickly swept into the arms of Jesus. We’ve cried many tears, and we’ve grieved. But through every wave of brokenness I learned so many things along the way that strengthened my faith and gave me hope. I quickly learned that trusting in God’s faithfulness during the hard times is planting the seeds of faith that we will need later on. The faith we experience in this day is far different than what we had known months ago.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. {Lamentations 3:22,23}

What I saw as Him not loving me, was in fact Him being the most loving He could have been. Comfort and peace beyond our comprehension was felt in ways that strengthened us. It’s easy to lose sight of God’s love in the midst of things not going as planned, isn’t it? Our perspective becomes skewed in our pain. It becomes easier for things to seem as if God is moving in everyone else’s lives but your own. Those moments when I would be so close to forgetting God’s unfailing love, I would soon start remembering His truths.

Do you see how much I love you, child? Do you see what I have done? I’ve given you my only Son. THIS is love! 

As I would lose sight of His hand in our life, either Dustin, a friend, a mentor, or a the words straight from Gods Word, would take me right back to the greatest picture of love we as believers of Christ have ever known. You see, when we start to doubt; when we start to wonder if His love endures through ALL things, remember the cross. The cross of Christ tangibly proves God’s love for you. He gave His Son for me, for you, for my tiny baby that I never held, to live eternity with God where tears are wiped away, and sorrow is no more. Our circumstances are not the measure of God’s love for us. Not even close. We shouldn’t rely on blessings or the lack of, to be our gage of how much God loves us. I’ve come to realize that our deepest hurts will be where your greatest passions grow. Whatever it is that didn’t go as planned, or wherever you find yourself, a purpose is in it.

The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the spirit. Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established. {Proverbs 16:1-3}


We were made to live for a story bigger than ourselves-the story of the one who made us. Any other version we try to live will always feel shallow and empty. Each one of us has a purpose. Understanding this helped my grieving after our miscarriage. Our baby was here for such a short time; she never took a breath; but she had a purpose. She has a future in heaven with Jesus because of His sacrifice and for that I have a joy that I have never experienced. Even though I wanted to hold her first, kiss her first, look into her eyes first, I know that her looking in the face of the God that created her is far more beautiful. I could never have loved her like Jesus does.  Jesus conquered death for each one of us, and that is the most precious story of beauty from ashes, that ever was. Living life day to day remembering this allowed me to greater understand His love and goodness.

Our stories are not random. The journeys within our stories are not random. They are all a part of Gods big plan and purpose. The same God who created the world and placed each star in the sky looks at our lives as something that matters. We can better understand this with the truth of what this season of Christmas and the new year is about. It’s about expectation. Knowing that God will come through for us each day, just like He fulfilled His promises of Christ’s birth. He hasn’t abandoned us, or forgotten us just because He hasn’t answered. He’s still working. When He gives us desires and passions, and then withholds those things from us, it’s not punishment. It is a way for us to grow in His perfect timing.

It would be so easy for Dustin and I to look at this past year as a failure, as a year of crushed dreams, but in fact it was a year worth praising God for. We experienced healing, comfort, forgiveness, hope, joy, restoration, and were given blessings upon blessings. And more than anything, we were given a new sense of Gods love, and a new hope of how God will continue to work. And even though there are still tough days, His love and goodness resounds more than ever. We are grateful and hopeful, and full of joy for a new year.

My prayer is that you experience the same hope and peace this coming year. That no matter what season you are in, or what your journey looks like, you will never forget that you have a purpose. May you have a joy that carries you through each day because Christ was born, lived, died and rose again!







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